The Thanksgiving Chaos

The Thanksgiving Chaos

There are few things that strike fear in our family – Max beating up the security guard at school, Su’s travel curse, Delaney asking for a bra, job security, etc. But probably the biggest concern that strikes our family about as frequently as a hurricane passing through Chicago – hosting Thanksgiving with the Bermingham’s and Oliveira’s.

As the story goes from long ago, the Pilgrims and the Indians gathered for the first Thanksgiving, each eyeing each other with caution putting their weapons of choice on the Thanksgiving table and then sharing their food traditions. From the Indians, we now have creamed corn that graces the Thanksgiving table. From the Pilgrims – well, we’re fairly certain the Pilgrims introduced alcohol to the Indians, after all, why wouldn’t you want to share that?

This Thanksgiving we opted to reenact the first Thanksgiving, with the Oliveira’s playing the part of the Pilgrims, while the Bermingham’s played the part of the Indians. Some highlights from our Thanksgiving:

“What water do I use to brush my teeth with?” Kim, asking whoever would listen upon learning that we use well water in Michigan. “Kim, we don’t import the water from Mexico, you’ll be fine.”

“Lee, where are the recyclable water jugs?” Dave, asking my mom when he couldn’t find the lids to any of the water jugs, of which we do actually drink the fine waters taken from a spring somewhere high in a mountain and gathered for us at the local grocery store. “Honey, I threw them away. You can just buy more.” Ugh, what’s the point of recycling if they are simply going to be tossed?

“Mom, I need a bowl to get some bottled water for Paige to brush her teeth.” Delaney, searching in vain for a bowl to use ‘good water’ to help brush Paige’s teeth. “Delaney, we don’t import the water from Mexico, tell Paige she’ll be fine.”

“Actually, I’m really drunk right now.” Kim’s answer to Dave’s mom (part of the Pilgrim group that introduced alcohol to the Indians) when asked how she was doing. To Kim’s shock and horror, Su clarified that while Kathy is a Pilgrim, she was the last Pilgrim to partake of the fermented juice.

“I brought a ‘thankful tree’ for all of us to decorate and tell what we’re thankful for.” Bob’s explanation for bringing the most hideous looking red LED Christmas tree to the house. “I’m thankful that we’ll be having a tree raffle after dinner”, Su’s ‘thanksgiving declaration’ when hanging her ornament on the ‘thankful tree’.

“Larry, I think we have celebrated all of the major holidays.” Dave, to Larry, after viewing post-Thanksgiving fireworks courtesy of Uncle Bob and opening Christmas gifts while the kids ate their full size candy bars from Halloween.

“Why are all the Oliveira’s sitting on one side of the table and the Bermingham’s the other?” Su said to Dave, which was replied, “I think that’s how they did it at the first Thanksgiving, clearly the Pilgrims and the Indians didn’t talk.”

“Hey Sis, I did good this year, I didn’t read nearly as many magazines as I usually do.” Kim’s Facebook entry when criticized for always lounging around and being a slug during any family holiday gathering.

“*&%^#! – the house keys!” Su’s sudden recognition that while using the industrial sized vacuum at the car wash to clean out her brother’s car that it suddenly sucked up the only set of keys to their rented cottage.

There is much to be thankful for this time of year, family, friends, and most importantly the introduction of alcohol from the Pilgrims to the Indians. It makes family gatherings that much more fun.