The Stairs

The Stairs
June 14th

After living in our current home for 11 years, you would think that I would notice that our brick façade on our front stairs did not match the brick on our home. Clearly, I’ve spent way too much time on the front porch drinking with neighbors, in which our stairs become slightly fuzzy and everything looks like it matches, instead of pondering what life would be like with stairs that matched. Dave, on the other hand, has apparently spent years letting our unmatched stairs fester in him like a splinter you can’t get out without undergoing expensive surgery.

So, in an effort to appease little Dave whispering in big Dave’s ear “The stairs suck – do something about it” – we did just that, we contracted with an Southside Irish concrete and masonry company and tore out the old mismatched stores for the new and improved version.

After a week of demolition, we were now ready to pour the concrete to finish Dave’s legacy. The kids placed mementos into the concrete to forever let any future archeologist know that Thomas the Train, Transformers, and a picture of a flower were left behind by pioneering Wrigleyville children. And so it was, that the new stairs were poured, life was good, and we went on our merry way to take the kids to soccer.

At this point, I have to interject a side story about our wonderful neighbor Jill. First of all, we love Jill and her family – they have made living on our block really terrific and they are wonderful friends. Jill – you know I love you, so calling you out on this blog is really just affirmation of how I feel about you. I digress. Many years ago an animal crawled into Jill’s backyard, clearly suffering and on it’s last legs. Jill’s kids lovingly cared for this animal, even taking Mike’s expensive Italian gloves to place the animal inside of the cat carrier. After feeding, petting, and talking the animal to “keep fighting the good fight”, Jill found out our other neighbor Julie was going to the animal shelter. Would Julie be willing to take the new-found sickly pet to the animal shelter? Of course! Imagine Jill’s surprise (and all of us who know the story) when Julie called to say, “Jill – remember that sickly pet you sent with me to the shelter? Well, they told what type of animal it is. That would be your common-everyday-I-live-in-Chicago CITY RAT! The rat clearly ate the poison that our city put in the alley, to you know, KILL the rats.” This back story is important how? Read on.

While returning home from the soccer game, we received a phone call from Jill. “Su, I hate to tell you this, but someone carved a picture and wrote something in the concrete while it was drying.” “What – well, what did they write?” “I can’t really tell, but it looks like a tree and two clouds, and it says something underneath I can’t quite make out.” “OK, we’ll be right home.”

After returning home, and seeing Dave’s legacy destroyed in one act of vandalism, we immediately recognized what was drawn, and frankly what was said. “Umm…Jill. I know you have five kids, did you conceive all five in the dark? That’s a giant male anatomy on our second stair.” And what’s written underneath, of course, “Ha, Ha, F***ers.” So is it any surprise, that this act of “humor” cemented us putting the house on the market? Ah, and June isn’t even finished yet!