The Olympics

** I try to write 2-3 times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. This week would have qualified for the 'less', but no need to fear, the Travel Curse is near! I travel on Wednesday, so I'm fairly certain that I will have an up-to-the-date minute blog posting on my travel curse, and if not, I still have 4-5 blog postings in my archive to post. Enjoy! **

The Olympics

I write this evening’s post while watching the Olympics, which is an every-four-year kick in the butt to remind myself that at heart, I’m a truly lazy person. I mean, really – Dana Tores, 41 years old. Some German gymnast who is competing at 33. And me, I’m in the Travel Curse Olympics at best, with barely the energy or stamina to even make it through the four hours of Olympic coverage each evening. Yes, it’s true, I couldn’t even medal in the Couch Potato Olympics.

I’ve always wondered what Olympic sport I could still potentially train for and possibly be an “Olympic Hopeful”. It’s a goal worth hitting before the big 4-0, but the reality is, there are few sports in which lazy, working moms with no energy and no time could possibly excel in, let alone medal in. I’ve investigated relatively obscure sports that I might have a genetic advantage. Take Table Tennis – mostly excelled by Asians. Being half Asian, that at least gives me a 50% advantage over my pasty, American counterpart, right? What about the under appreciated, and now defunct Pigeon Shooting Olympic sport? Surely living in Chicago, with our overpopulation of rats and pigeons would give me a leg up than my neighbors in Wisconsin that would only hope for a Cheese Curd Olympic sport.

I realized that I have found my possible Olympic calling while watching the gymnast twist their bodies into pretzel shapes (which, clearly, my 39 year way-too-old-body will not do) – it’s a winter sport, which gives me two years to investigate and figure it out…drum roll please – I want to be part of the two-person luge. Primarily, the person on the bottom. Let’s think about this for a minute, what exactly does the person on the bottom do, except provide a cushion for the person on the top? If I recall, the person on the top does the steering, which once again leads us to the question of what does the person on the bottom do? A little flapping of the arms upon take-off (hey, I can just imagine my three kids running after me, and you can better believe that I’ll be the faster arm-flapper luger around) and then providing a cushion of support during the race. I’ve had three kids – my mid-section is very squishy and definitely not your “abs of steel” that would make a very nice, pillow-top like mattress feel for the luge-person actually on top trying to steer the sled. I think I have found my calling…except, who knew, I already had my Olympic moment.

It’s true, I have participated in an Olympic sport when I was 16. While my counterparts were admiring the strength, agility and super-watt smile of Mary Lou Retton, I was preparing for my own Olympic calling. My parents saw my talent early on and insured that I honed my skill in my ‘sport’ by doing such extracurricular activities as playing the piano, drawing, and playing the clarinet. A little reading also helped. I know you’re wondering, what Olympic sport could these possible skills entail outside of the Asian-geek Olympics? (Which by the way, I would have won in my youth)

Just remember, some Olympic sports carry on into your life in ways that you wouldn’t suspect. I’m sure those Olympic gymnasts are still flexible when they’re 40 – that’s cool. Or the Table Tennis Olympian can crush you during your after dinner party. But my Olympic sport allows me to write this blog in no time flat, create presentations in minutes, and write memos with ease. Yes, it’s true, I was part of the TYPING OLYMPICS when I was 16.

I’m sure you are shaking your head, ‘you were what?’ First of all, I am completely dating myself to even say that my life at one point involved typing on a typewriter instead of a computer. But early on, I was a fast typer. It was all those years of piano lessons that made me type faster than Ollie North’s secretary and your local court reporter. More than 100 words per minute, who knew that the geeky half-Vietnamese school girl was an Olympic hopeful in the making? Unfortunately, just prior to the Typing Olympics, I suffered a set-back. All of that piano playing and dexterity I showed with my 10 fingers caused a stress injury that set me back under 100 words a minute. And as such, while I competed, I did not medal and only received a certificate of recognition for my efforts to keep alive a dinosaur…the typewriter. And for those that think I’m joking – I’m really not. I believe Brother was the sponsor of the Olympics, I’m sure a brand-spanking new typewriter was likely one of the medal prizes, but alas, I went on to own an Apple instead and my life as a late blooming blogger was born on the keyboard of a computer, not a typewriter. I recall being recognized in my typing class for “representing the school and the state of Illinois in the Typing Olympics” but alas, it would take great effort to find my award and any photos from my day of being an Olympic Hopeful.

I am optimistic that one day the official Olympics can incorporate mundane office assignments into the roster of the Olympics. What could be better than “Memo Taking”, “ Copy This!” and “Boss Suck Up” to know that you too, can be an Olympic athlete. I believe it takes more endurance, patience, and training to succeed in any Office Olympic sport, and as such, I propose a petition to include some of these sports to be added into the next summer or winter Olympics.