The College Fund

Much to the future horror of my kids, I have decided to write one story about each one that has happened recently, if only for my enjoyment years from now.

The College Fund

When it comes to the kids’ education, there are few letters that we’ve received in the mail that elicit any sort of excitement. Living in the city has its education challenges, trying to get your children into a good kindergarten is not only literally winning the lottery (seriously, it’s done by lottery), but likely harder than getting your kid in to an Ivy League school for college. It takes an immense amount of networking, volunteering and crossing your fingers. Jack has the distinction of being our child with the most rejection letters before the age of five. Delaney started the rejection process early at two years old with a handful of rejection letters. Jack – well, we applied to eight schools for kindergarten…and received seven rejection letters. All framed in the “Wall of Shame” for future reference when he feels like school is too hard. “Hey buddy, where else are you going to go – no one else offered you a spot!”

Since we now have both kindergarten and first grade under our belt with Jack, it’s naturally time to think of college. And no, we do not think Jack will skip high school, I personally have opted to no longer think about the dreaded high school applications and selection process for fear of moving to the suburbs. I digress, on to college.

This is the literal, non edited conversation. “Jack, great news! We just got a letter from your college fund, we have fulfilled our contract, you can now go to college!” “What? NOW? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo……” “Where will I sleep?” Try that twin bed that’s been around for the past 20 years. “I don’t want to go NOW!” Okay, maybe you should at least finish first grade, shame to send you in the middle of the school year. “I don’t have my bags packed.” That’s okay, I think I’ve had your bag packed since we got home from the hospital. “I will miss you too much.” Probably to start with, but after you meet all the girls, I doubt it. “Please don’t make me go to college!” Okay, maybe we should rethink this. “Who will take care of me?” Don’t they have dorm moms?

Oops, in our excitement, we failed to mention that college would not happen until he was at least 18, and hopefully no later than 19 as we have not budgeted to fund any kids for any “year of fun” post high-school. After this was explained to a teary-eyed Jack who thought that he literally had to pack his bags and be shipped off to college before bedtime - you could literally sense the burden that was lifted off of his shoulders when he realized that he could spend the next 12 years sleeping under our roof.

Dave recently talked to Jack about what he wanted to do with his life after he graduated from college. I know, fairly heavy stuff for a six year old, but hey, keep the college momentum going when their young. They are not living off of the family nipple and we see this as retirement security in our old age – not having to financially support the kids anymore. Back to the question at hand – personally, I would prefer jobs that personally benefit me for the kids:

- Doctor -every family needs one, I personally seem to employ a small army of specialists
- Lawyer - I’m sure one of the kids will need one later in life
- Chef - makes holidays easier for me
- Interior decorator - wouldn’t that be nice
- Orthodontist – having just paid Delaney’s bill for braces, I see this might be a lucrative career choice

Jack’s response to the age old questions, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” “Well Daddy, I’m thinking taxi driver.” Umm…last time we checked, that college education that we have painstakingly saved for will likely not come in handy. “Jack, seriously? Umm, any reason why?” “No, I just like riding in cabs. That would fun to do all the time.”

So, it looks like all that money for college will likely now fund either Delaney or Max in their post college studies. Jack – at least we know he won’t be directionally challenged and always have a set of wheels to see the family during the holidays.