The Halloween Costume

The Halloween Costume

Nothing brings more fear into a parent than the dreaded, “What are going to be for Halloween?” Long gone are the days of the cute costumes, from the Energizer Bunny to the tame Lion. In the early days, (or as Delaney says, “The Old Days”) I tried to Martha-Stewart a costume for the kids. Imagine trying to build an Eiffel tower out of toothpicks or creating a pumpkin costume using real, not stuffed pumpkins. The Internet, and the many choices of costumes, has saved me from confines of pipe cleaners, felt and a glue gun. The choices are endless, yet virtually all the same for our family.

Two years ago, both Jack and Max started down their singular path of costume greatness. Max, and his unbelievable fascination for all things train related, had to be none other than Thomas the Train. Jack, and his love for all things Power Rangers, had decided to make his way through all of the assorted Power Ranger colors – “Mommy, this year I want to be the Red Ranger. Next year the Black Ranger. The following year, the Green Ranger.” Thankfully, there are enough Power Rangers to last Jack through his college years and beyond without fear of repeating.
As any good parent does after Halloween, I quickly burn the costume, along with the excess amounts of candy left over. I call it my Halloween Séance Ritual. No sooner had I disposed of Jack’s Power Ranger Costume and Max’s Thomas the Train costume than Halloween 2007 came calling. And what do my boys want to be for Halloween this year? Yep, Thomas the Train and a Power Ranger. “What – but I just got rid of your costumes from last year? Ugh…isn’t there an eternal Power Ranger costume that I can buy that grows with you?” And so, in an effort to quickly reprise their roles in 2006, I bought new and improved costumes that looked remarkably like the ones I had just given away. Jack’s costume was identical in every way as his costume in 2006. And this my friends, was a problem.

“Su – what is up with Jack’s Power Ranger costume?”, Dave exclaimed. “I have no idea what you are talking about Dave, it’s just like last years.” “Yes, and that’s the problem. He’s grown since last year – I think you got him the same size as last year.” And Jack being completely oblivious to the most obvious problem, did not realize that his manhood was significantly compromised and as Dave said, “Geez, were you trying to ‘Power Ranger Camel Crotch’ this year? No way I can take him out trick or treating – he may never bear children again.” Crap, the costume is a little…I mean…way too small, especially in a certain region that may impact Jack’s fertility in later years. “Thank you Mommy, I love my Power Ranger costume.” “It’s not, umm, a wee bit tight for you?” “Oh no, it’s fine” Jack said in a higher than usual falsetto voice. And so, 2007 will go down as the year of the too-snug, too-tight, almost R rated, Power Ranger Jack.

This year, as usual, Jack asked to once again be a Power Ranger. “What, remember last year when you couldn’t cross your legs for 3 months because of your Power Ranger costume?” And so, I began a search for the perfect Power Ranger costume. “Look Jack, this one glows in the dark, how cool is that?” Perfect, a Glow In the Dark Power Ranger costume, just a click away from Halloween Happiness. Crap, it’s $39.99, a bit over budget for Halloween Happiness, but that’s okay, it’s only September, I’ll just wait until Disney online runs one of its daily sales and save at least $10-$20.

Well, as luck (or more specifically, my brand of luck) would have it, the costume went on sale. Now down to $19.99, I’m ready to pull the trigger and order away. “Jack, good news, your costume went on sale, it will be here within a week, isn’t that awesome?” And as I get ready to select the costume, credit card in hand, I went to select the size. What? Only XXS and XS, better known as “Eunich” and “One Nut Jack”. Crap, Dave will kill me if I once again screw this one up. I got it – I will call every Disney store in the Midwest in search for the infamous glow-in-the-dark Power Ranger costume. “I’m sorry Miss, that costume is only available on-line. There are no more Medium’s left, just XXS and XS.” S***, I screwed this one up, didn’t I?
“Jack, so sorry, but they no longer have any Glow In Dark Power Ranger costumes in your size.” “That’s okay mommy, you can get me a smaller size.” “Umm, no, that’s not going to happen.” What about a different Power Ranger? “No, thank you, I really wanted to glow in the dark.” And so my search began, with less than week before Halloween for the perfect Glow In The Dark Halloween Happiness costume for Jack, who has suffered through too many ill-fitting costumes. After going to at least a half dozen costume stores, with no luck, I found myself scouring the dark corners of the Internet hoping for some costume that would satisfy Jack’s need to be nearly invisible. And as luck would have, I found the perfect Spider Man Glow in the dark Costume. And in his size! Of course, with only few days left before Halloween, I hit the “Overnight” charges button. Yep – you guessed it, my original hunt to save a few dollars has now cost me more than the original full-price Glow in The Dark Power Ranger costume.
The lesson learned, “Jack’s ‘boys’ are worth at least a bit more than the $10 I was trying to save.”